Ai yi yi yi

I am the Frito Bandito

I like Fritos Corn Chips

I love them, I do

I want Fritos Corn Chips

I'll get them from you

The Frito Bandito was the mustachioed, sombrero and bandoleer wearing cartoon spokesman of the 1960s who loved Fritos Corn Chips so much that he was willing to steal to get them.

He looked and sounded like the bandits in The Treasure of Sierra Madre who try to get the drop on Humphrey Bogart and his prospecting companions by pretending to be federales (state police). When Bogart demands to see their badges, their leader responds with the famous lines: “Badges? We ain't got no badges. We don't need no badges. I don't have to show you any stinking badges.”

The Frito Bandito was retired decades ago, but he may been the inspiration for Bradley Dugan, a man who was shopping at Speedway in Man when he allegedly fell while trying to climb a box of yet-to-be-unpacked Frito-Lay products blocking an aisle in the store and is now trying to benefit from his ill-advised acrobatics by suing both the store and Frito-Lay.

Dugan, apparently, never had been in a real store before and seen unemptied boxes on the floor. Consequently, he was unaware that it's standard procedure in supermarkets all across America for the drivers who deliver those boxes to put them on the floor, temporarily blocking an aisle, so they can unpack them and place their contents on the shelves so that customers can take the products they want off the shelves, add them to their shopping carts, and wheel them to the checkout lines.

Dugan may or may not love Fritos Corn Chips, but he clearly is lusting after a portion of the company's profits. Speaking of federales, however, the suit he originally filed in Logan Circuit Court has since been removed to federal court, where Dugan's chances of hitting pay dirt are likely to be greatly diminished.

Ai yi yi! Sorry, Señor.

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