“Who's your lawyer?”
“Who is what?”
“Who's a Hoosier lawyer?”
“I didn't say anyone was a Hoosier lawyer.”
“Sure, you did. You said, 'Hoosier lawyer!'”
“No, I said, 'Who's your lawyer?' As in, Who is your lawyer?
“Who's your, who is your, same thing. Who's your lawyer?”
“Hoosier! That's his name! My lawyer's Adrian Hoosier.”
A lawyer named Hoosier? That has comedic potential. You could pitch it to the networks as a sitcom. But what to call it? How about something catchy, like Hoosier, Lawyer?
Here's the set-up. There's a lawyer named Hoosier from Hurricane, West Virginia and he often sues companies on behalf of foolishly negligent and/or aggressively litigious clients for ridiculously minor (alleged) torts that easily could have been settled out of court.
He may sound like a character from Night Court, but he's actually the star of the surreality show that is his life.
Adrian Hoosier is a real person, a real attorney, he's really from Hurricane, he really does make his living the way we described, and he's been doing it for a long time.
Nine years ago, he went to court on behalf of a client whose last name was Bias. (You can't make these things up. If you did, no one would believe you.)
Mr. Bias had microwaved a gravied biscuit at Nitro Speedway and popped it into his mouth before giving the molten morsel time to cool off. Needless to say, he burnt his lips and mouth – and blamed the convenience store for his stupidity.
If you asked Billy Grossi “Who's your lawyer?” in the suit he filed last month in Raleigh Circuit Court against strip-club chain Southern Xposure, he'd say, “Hoosier.”
Grossi says he wasn't paid for the time he worked at the strip club – in what capacity, we don't know – but, if Hoosier's his attorney, you can bet there may be less to it than he claims.