Sprouse
Webster
CHARLESTON -- I read the recent article in the Daily Mail about Judge Irene Berger getting fast tracked into a federal judgeship. And, while it will be a blessing to get her off the Circuit Court, a lifetime appointment on the Federal Bench is a little scary.
But, that being said, you probably heard the clang of my jaw off the table when I read that the front runner to replace her on the Kanawha Couty Circuit Court is none other than ...
House Judiciary Chairwoman Carrie Webster.
H-o-l-y smokes.
It was the clang heard round the world.
If you thought Carrie setting policy for every law change in the state was bad, imagine her on the bench.
I mean, there won't be enough days in the week to hold her court hearings.
Here's her court docket:
Monday - Democrat Day. This is the day anyone registered as a Democrat can appear in her court and discuss any of the wrongs that have been done them over the last year. Carrie could just provide a summary judgement on their behalf on any wrong.
Sponsorship for the day will be provided by NICK CASEY.
Tuesday - Democrat Election Day. This is the day every week to hear cases about how we can increase the free speech impingement on any outside group wanting to spend money in West Virginia. Carrie could drag all these supposed nameless groups (unless they are helping any Democrat candidates, of course) before her court and assign them public floggings. I mean, she has passed about fifteen laws that the federal courts have deemed unconstitutional, but she keeps trying.
Sponsorship for the day will be provided by THE OFFICE OF THE ATTORNEY GENERAL.
Wednesday - Homosexual Day (and on the 5th Wednesday of every month, a day specifically for Transgendered Individuals). Carrie's biggest cause in the House has been the promotion of increased rights for the homosexual community, so why not have a day specifically for cases dealing with wrongs done to homosexuals? She said she wept during her committee hearing on gay rights and that she actually FEELS their pain.
The day will be sponsored by MISS CALIFORNIA.
Thursday - Enviro Day. This would be a day where the "Keeper of the Mountains" and all the enviro crazies that Carrie supports could bring their cases of dirty water and photos of scarred vistas to the court. Kathy Mattea has promised to make at least one appearance a month where she weeps like a baby when enviros tell her that there are no enviromental regulations and you can literally fly for five hours and never see a tree in Southern West Virginia.
The day will be sponsored by MASSEY ENERGY.
Friday - Meshea Poore and Dan Greear Day. Meshea and Dan would be able to bring their cases to Circuit Court on these days and be guaranteed victory. Considering Carrie would likely get trounced by either Meshea or Dan (can you imagine Carrie's gay and anti-gun rights positions trying to be sold out in the 32nd District or Eastern Kanawha County? Holy smokes, that would be a bloodbath), Carrie's plan will be to simply allow them to win any case they bring so that they both make SO much money they have no desire to be judge.
The day will be sponsored by JUDGE WEBSTER IS THE COOLEST COMMITTEE.
Saturday - THROW MEN IN JAIL Day. Carrie is one of the 'man-haters' in the House, so this would simply be a day where any guy who has ever committed any wrong against any woman, would simply be taken straight to jail.
The day will be sponsored by MEN AND WOMEN AGAINST DISCRIMINATION.
I guess Saturday evenings and Sundays could be devoted to actual trials that come through her courtroom.
Again, I can understand the Manchin administration's desire to get Carrie out of the Legislature. But, to put her on the Kanawha County Circuit Court is a preposterous notion.
Sprouse is the former Minority Leader of the West Virginia Senate and currently owns a consulting company in Charleston.