One of the great joys of working retail is getting to hear fanciful tales told by suspected shoplifters to explain the presence of unpurchased goods on their persons:
“I intended to pay for this iPhone, but I left my wallet in the car. I was just going to get it. What’s in my back pocket? My wallet -- my other wallet. I have two wallets: one in my pocket, one in the car. You want me to get the one in the car? You know, actually, I think I may have left it at home.”
“I don’t care what the security camera shows, I was wearing this dress when I came in here. The price tag? What price tag? Oh, I never take those off. I leave the price tags on all my clothes.”
“No, I was not aware that there was a pot roast wedged between my thighs and I have no idea how it got up under my skirt. Obviously, there’s something weird going on in your meat department.”
Apparently pilfering employees spin good yarns, too.
They might forage the aisles all day long, downing doughnuts at dawn, mauling midday microwave meatloaves, swallowing salami subs at sunset -- with every intention of paying for their three squares before punching out, only it completely slips their minds.
Or maybe they take home merchandise to familiarize themselves with it so that they can be better salesmen, and they get so familiar with it that they forget to bring it back.
Former Huntington Dollar General employee Donna Walters offered a unique delayed-payment explanation for her practice of consuming colas and peanut butter cups prior to purchase. She’s diabetic, she said (after the fact), and might have gone into shock in the 30 seconds it would have taken to pay for her sugar rush in advance.
The Huntington Dollar General suffered a $60,000 inventory loss in the year leading up to Donna’s termination. Walters isn’t blamed for that loss. How much soda and peanut butter candy would have to be consumed to match that number, one only can wonder.
"I was going to pay for that, honest!”
